This is a story of a Yemeni girl who moved to the U.S. at 11 years old
Every single person in this world has a unique way of becoming who they are today. As we grow and encounter challenges, we are forced to see things in different ways. I am going to share with you my journey that led me to change my perspective on Islam.
As I entered my early teens, I did not like the religion because I felt like it was incredibly biased and unjust. Unjust towards women and children, to be more exact.
The first thing I did was stop praying. I remember feeling sad and angry at the same time. Sad, because I was lonely and did not have people who I could share common relations with. Angry because I genuinely believed in a higher power in this universe but was not sure if Islam was the right religion.
I was a hijabi, so students looked at me in a funny way. I also did not speak English, and that did not help me defend myself against bullies. The reason I was a hijabi as an 11-year-old had nothing to do with me and my devotion to God. Instead, it was the norm to wear it in my country. It is a huge part of my Yemeni culture, and I wanted to fit in. I asked my mom as a 7-year-old if I could wear it. I thought it was cool. My mom's reaction got me even more excited because she told me that she was proud of me. I was a happy child who fit in within my society. I had no worries. When I say no worries, I mean none! Not even in school, because I did not even attend it regularly. I would show up for the exams and leave right after to have fun at the playground with my friends.
Fast-forward to the 11-year-old me who began to question everything. First off, I thought Islam was the only way to live. But then I saw other kids dressed differently and did not pray. My first question was, how do I know that Islam is the right religion? I was born a Muslim; it was not like I chose it. I began to analyze this religion critically. These are some of the questions that ran through my head:
Why does a woman get only 50 percent of inertance after her fathers' death?
Why are men allowed to marry up to 4 wives? Isn't that cheating?
How come I always hear that you must obey the elders even if you become a doormat?
How is it that children are obligated to obey your parents, although they are wrong?
Those are only a few questions that I had, among other more absurd things that I encountered and am not ready to talk about to this day. Keep in mind, these thoughts began crossing my mind as an 11-year-old, and they only continue to grow. I already stopped praying, but I still had the hijab on. I was kind of embarrassed to wear it.
I soon realized that my family was not religious. My dad did not pray and certainly did not care enough to engage in Ramadan (the holy month that Muslims are obligated to fast in). However, they are very cultured and care about the family's honor, which means that they could only see their childrens’ happiness through society's approval. It is a crazy concept because whenever they mentioned the family's honor, it only had to do with a woman. Meaning that if a man were to sin, God would forgive him. But if a woman were to commit the same sin, she must be severely punished for it because she had shamed the whole family.
As I struggled with anxiety and loneliness, I began to do more research on Islam and other religions, like Christianity and Buddhism. I listened to scholars from different religions, and Islam made the most sense to me. I came to find out that Islam never focused on equality, but rather what is fair. Just like how men have rights over women, women have rights over men. Just like how parents had rights over their children, their children had rights over them. The more I read the Quran and interpreted it, the more I got goosebumps from the miracles that it had. The structure of the Quran is precisely written in a way where every word conveys a strong meaning.
Growing up, I was taught the moral behavior that my culture portrayed as appropriate, not Islam. If anything, Islam is extremely against many of my cultural norms that are still happening today. What never made sense to me is that you see all these Muslims in my community prostrate before God but then easily choose the cultural norms/honor/pride over God's words.
Although I was lost for a while, I am satisfied with where I am today. I pray now, and I am more confident wearing the hijab. To this day, I am still learning and growing into this beautiful religion. Deep down, I know it is the right choice for me. Through Islam, I can find happiness known that my conscience is at ease.
The most important lesson that I learned from this journey is never to hate something you do not understand. Instead, educate yourself. With more information, you can make better decisions. Jumping to conclusions is only going to make you ignorant. I am happy that this journey challenges me to be open-minded, even to the ideas that do not make sense to me.
